Jean Grey is a
by Skye Haerrington
Summary: REPOST This is a humor fic incoporating a song from South Park. Its Jean-death and meant to be pointless.


Note: This is a repost. Due to a mistake in my title, which I did not realize was against the rules, ff.net had removed this story. Well, its back. Enjoy.  
  
Disclaimers and/or legal junk: I'd like to note that characterization is poor and there is little to no plot. If you have a problem with this, don't bother reading any further. Honestly, you're looking at a fic about Jean dying. You're crazy if you really think you're going to get good plot and characters. I laugh in your general direction.  
  
The song, though changed, belongs to South Park©. X-Men belongs to a whole hell of a lot of people, none of which are me. I'm poor; don't sue me.  
  
Mad thanks to Gothic_Rogue for the quick beta job she did.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
Jean sat in the middle of the common room of the mansion. All around her were stacks of gifts wrapped in pretty pastel paper. She looked at Scott, flipping her hair flirtatiously. He handed her her first gift: a ruby set in a platinum band. "Oh, Scott. It's beautiful!" She leaned over and kissed him for a long moment.  
  
Bobby, who had been standing behind the couple, made gagging motions. This caused muffled laughter from the rest of the new recruits.  
  
Miss Perfect opened a few more presents before Kurt got up and announced that his sister's gift would be in the form for a performance. Jean was hoping for some nice emotional poetry or a soft ballad. She would cry at the right moments and proclaim that thing, Rogue, such a good friend. She'd top it off by hugging the untouchable and everyone would love her for it.  
  
Rogue entered from the kitchen, followed by Tabitha, Remy and Lance. All four of them were dressed nicely in matching black and white outfits.  
  
"A song for Jean," the Goth began, "in D minor."  
  
The quartet readied themselves, getting into their formation as practiced. Rogue and Tabitha were standing in front of the two boys. Then Rogue, in a surprisingly high soprano voice began, "Well."  
  
Tabitha joined, in harmony with Rogue, "Well."  
  
Remy followed suit in a nice tenor voice, "Well."  
  
Finally, Lance added the bass part, "Well."  
  
Jean looked very pleased, ready at any moment to shed a tear as they literally sang her praises.  
  
The four of them cut off. They were silent until given the cue, a note on a child's Xylophone played by Kurt. And, in perfect unison, they began.  
  
"Jean Greys a bitch. She's a big fat bitch. She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world. She's a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch. She's a bitch to all the boys and girls."  
  
"Monday she's a bitch," Rogue and Tabby sang.  
  
"On Tuesday she's a bitch," the boys responded.  
  
"On Wednesday through Saturday she's a bitch. Then on Sunday, just to be different, she's a Super King Kamehameha Beyatch!" the quartet sang, back in unison.  
  
Scott stood up, glaring at the four. "Rogue, I told you not to call my girl a bitch!"  
  
"Have you ever met this girl Jean Grey? She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world. She's a mean little bitch and she has stupid hair," they sang. "She's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch. She's a bitch."  
  
Rogue smiled at Jean as she sang solo, "Jean Grey's a bitch and she's just a dirty bitch. Jean Grey is a."  
  
"Bitch," the quartet sang together for a long moment and then they bowed.  
  
Everyone was silent for a long moment. Then the entire room burst into laughter. Even Ororo and Xavier chuckled a bit. Some of the new recruits came up and high-fived the guys in the group.  
  
"Wait, you mean you don't all love and admire me?" Jean asked in shock. She couldn't believe it. "But I'm perfect! How could you not love me?" She looked at Scott; tears welled up in her eyes. He tried to hug her but she rose from the couch and backed away. Using her telekinesis, she broke her own neck and fell in a crumpled mass on the floor.  
  
Only Scott even noticed her. He cried out as he cradled her body. "NOOOOO!"  
  
"What?" Kitty cried. "She didn't get blood on the carpet, did she? I, like, hate blood!" 


End file.
